Everything is going to be okay.

I’m going to start off by admitting three things: I am a recent transplant Nashvillian, I am a writer, and I am a nerd. I love computers, fantasy stories, can quote the Princess Bride (“Have fun storming the castle!”), love anime and Hayao Miyazaki (a Japanese animated filmmaker of epic proportions), and even shrieked with joy when the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was Rickrolled…and subsequently had to explain it to my parents.

If you didn’t understand one or more of the references above, hi, nice to meet you! There is a whole world of subculture that many people will only brush by in their lifetime, and I will be pausing to (hopefully) clue you in on things that won’t necessarily be common knowledge. But if I stopped to explain everything I mentioned above, it would take away from what I am actually here to talk about, which issss…..

Writing. Particularly of the fanfiction variety. This topic is one I’ve really wanted to talk about for a long time, and I won’t harp on it: I will simply state my opinion.

The Urbandictionary.com (often not work-safe) definition of “Mary Sue.” [Brackets are my add-ins.]

See Mary-Sue. A female fanfiction character who is so perfect as to be annoying. The male equivalent is the Marty-Stu [or Gary-Stu]. Often abbreviated to “Sue”. A Mary Sue character is usually written by a beginning author. Often, the Mary Sue is a self-insert with a few “improvements” (ex. better body, more popular, etc). The Mary Sue character is almost always beautiful, smart, etc… In short, she is the “perfect” girl. The Mary Sue usually falls in love with the author’s favorite character(s) and winds up upstaging all of the other characters in the book/series/universe.

Often, the Mary Sues do not see their good qualities and are always putting themselves down, so you have someone incredibly beautiful saying how ugly they are, and the constant whining and “woe is me”-ing can get old really fast.

All that being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing a Mary Sue character in fanfiction (fiction written in some sort of context of your favorite, book, movie, TV show, etc.) Again, there is nothing wrong with this. At all. That is why people write fiction about their favorite fandoms (your favorite book, movie, TV show, etc): it’s fun! You enjoy it so much you want to be there, and everything that happens to you is totally over the top and complete wish fulfillment. Give your character green hair, purple eyes, spots, and let them ride around on a flying striped jaguar. YES! Do it! Don’t expect people to proclaim it as great literature, but that’s not the point anyway.

BUT. It’s when authors PUBLISH Mary-Sue stories that the criticism worms its way out. Notice I did not say, “WRITE Mary Sues,” but “PUBLISH Mary Sues.” Big difference. And Mary Sues in online fanfics bother me a lot less than Mary Sues that end up in books sitting on shelves, trying to get me to buy them…yeah.

And even then, I’m not a hard and fast critic: I like leaving wiggle room. I know as well as any other writer that every bit of an author’s work contains their essence in it. They can’t escape it. If you write what you know, you’re bound to include more of yourself in it than you realize! Plus, when creating a main character, it’s easier to write as a person who is most like you: their reactions to the plot will be more natural and honest than if you were to write from the point of view of someone with a totally opposite personality. (It can be done, but it’s hard.)

So you’re sort of walking a knife’s edge here. You can’t please everyone, so ultimately you have to please yourself…but even then, at least consider your audience. If an author resembles the main character too much, it can create sort of a disconnect–or maybe too much of a connect–to the point where the reader gets suspicious. This is why authors try to hide their morals, so readers won’t feel like they’re getting beaten over the head. With Mary Sues, people don’t want to read a story where the underlying message from the author seems to scream, “Love me!”

I know lots of people love Twilight, but this image is a great example.

See? It really degrades her credibility, and even though I don’t knock anyone for liking the Twilight series, as a writer, it just seems sloppy and, frankly, rather needy. People tend to get irritated when they realize they are reading someone else’s fantasy. It’s almost like it’s too  much information (TMI), and when you reveal it for the world to see, not everyone is going to share your opinion. People don’t want to know that much about people’s intimate fantasies, unless the writer has made these dreams integral with the characters and the story so you can read them seamlessly.

As with everything else in life, the gray areas are harder to navigate, and authors who are willing to put themselves out there really need to remember this.

It might sound like a snobby writer thing, and I’m going to apologize right now to all you beginning writers out there, but I’m just telling it like it is.

Besides, every writer is a bad writer at the beginning: it’s a jumping off point to get better.

And don’t let people’s criticism stop you if you have a story burning inside you. Even if it includes a character people dub as a Mary Sue. It seems that this has become a huge pride thing among some authors, where they like to look down on books where the main characters seem to mirror the writer too much. In fact, there has even been a backlash where some authors are afraid to make their main characters anything like themselves, for fear that they’ll be labeled as “Mary Sues.” I know I’ve subsequently looked down on and feared that, but all I can do is be as real as possible. Ultimately, it all comes down to opinion. Plus, not everyone has the same level of writing expertise either, but you can’t let that stop you. Don’t be afraid. Let your mind soar and enjoy the fantasy, but “Don’t throw your pearls before swine.” If you don’t want people to tear apart your baby, then only show it to people you trust.

If you’re worried you might have created a Mary Sue, you can run your character through a litmus test like this one, which is very helpful. And like Wikipedia says about these tests, in its very insightful angle on Mary Sues:

Most such tests include a disclaimer noting that even characters with extremely high scores can be executed well enough to yet still avoid being considered a “Mary Sue.” The test is primarily meant as a guide for better characterization.

So, in a nutshell, when introducing your lovingly-crafted Mary Sue to the public, especially the book-buying public, remember that good writing isn’t just a compulsion, it’s a practiced art.

But there is no such thing as a bad character or a bad story, just a lazy author.

Not many people know this, but lately in West Nashville, we’ve had an onslaught of ninjas roaming the streets of Sylvan Park. They have one mission: to destroy all baked goods. So lo and behold! Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and saw this:

I even caught one of the little bastards on camera!

Please come to 12th & Porter Friday night to see one of Nashville’s best kept secrets, the rock band NOVELIFT. NOVELIFT has been making sweet music for over 4 years, and was named “Best Unsigned Alternative Rock Band” by Verbicide Magazine, yet the Nashville community prefers to keep them as secret as these pastry destroying ninjas. The cost is $5 and they will be selling their new album “Up In Clouds” for $10. Come out Friday night and don’t say I didn’t warn you about the cupcake ninjas!

Tennessee Titans 13, Baltimore Ravens 10

Offense: No way around Lewis and company.  B

Defense: Don’t F around with Columbia Blue! B-

Special Teams: Rob Bironas, will you marry me? A

Coaching: Any win against Ravens is good. A

Overall: Ugly win is still a win! B+

Next week: Bye week.  Go outside or something.

League Wrap-up:

Indianapolis Colts 31, Houston Texans 27: Manning rips Texans’ hearts out late.

New York Giants 44, Seattle Seahawks 6: Eli Manning: King of the World?

Dallas Cowboys 31, Cincinnati Bengals 22: Struggling ‘boys nearly give it away.

Atlanta Falcons 27, Green Bay Packers 24: Post-Vick, Falcons’ looking pretty good.

Arizona Cardinals 41, Buffalo Bills 17: Trip to desert rubs Bills raw.

Over the weekend there were tons of makeshift “Registration Booths” set up around the city. The Rutledge hosted a Rock The Vote show on Saturday night and Bobby’s Dairy Dip on Charlotte let Nashvillians register while enjoying a homemade milkshake.

Monday night the Mercy Lounge is holding a very special Last Call 8 Off 8th show for all the last minute registers. Performers include American Bang, Kyle Andrews, HEYPENNY and more.

If you know of other events in town where folks can get their registration on, please share it in the comments for this post!

Tennessee Titans 31, Houston Texans 12

Offense: Despite mistakes, Collins managed game well. B-

Defense: Gave up yards, but not points. B

Special Teams: Bironas, Hentrich: great weapons.  Coverage? Huh? B-

Coaching: Team didn’t get down after gaffes. B-

Overall: You are what you record is. B+

Next week vs. Minnesota Vikings: Gus Frerotte, we’re looking at you.

League Roundup:

Miami Dolphins 38, New England Patriots 13: NOW Belichick wants to talk Spygate….

Denver Broncos 34, New Orleans Saints 32: Hey, Jay Cutler: we miss ya!

Seattle Seahawks 37, St. Louis Rams 13: Rams to league: can we quit?

Baltimore Ravens 28, Cleveland Browns 10: Jamal Lewis wants his cocaine back.

Jacksonville Jaguars 23, Indianapolis Colts 21: Colts enjoying Jeopardy, early-bird specials.

Behold!

Tennessee Titans 24, Cincinnati Bengals 7

Offense: Collins manages game, Johnson does rest. A

Defense: Hard to argue with these guys. A+

Special Teams: Considering hurricane winds, not bad, dudes. A

Coaching: Kept team’s focus off of Vince, bravo. A

Overall: Keep winning, and everything looks good. A

Looking ahead to next week: Texans come to town, should spank ‘em.

League Roundup:

Green Bay Packers 48, Detroit Lions 25: Aaron Rodgers routes Lions, Favre forgotten.

Buffalo Bills 20, Jacksonville Jaguars 16: Experts’ Super Bowl favorites fading fast.

Arizona Cardinals 31, Miami Dolphins 10: Cardinals’ undefeated, end times are near!

Denver Broncos 39, San Diego Chargers 38: Shanahan pulls win from his ass.

USC Trojans 35, Ohio State Buckeyes 3: Trojans to be next expansion team.

10:00, Massey Concert Hall: “India—Land of Myriad Colours” Lecture of general interest for the university community.

2:00, Neely Dining Room: Workshop with Sounak and tabla player Ben Mawhorter.

7:30, Massey Concert Hall: Concert. “Colours after Sunset: Ragas for Evening Moods.”

And since we use WordPress to power our site, our contributors can use the WordPress iphone app to blog right from their iPhones. We’ll be blogging from the shows! Don’t you want to contribute?

JD: We’ve been working sporadically, extremely part-time, but it’s been great. We’ve done about 20 shows since September of last year. We’ve been slowly but steadily putting tracks together for a new album. I think it might wind up being our best album. We’re 10 songs deep right now, and there are 5 or 6 more in the tank waiting to be recorded.

NZ: Any definitive release plans that you can talk about?

JD: We plan to release the record in March. We’re doing everything ourselves, so it’s up to us, really. Nick Raskulinecz is back on-board to mix the album, so we’re pretty excited about that. Our music and his aesthetic go hand-in-glove, as a general rule.

NZ: You guys didn’t really miss a beat considering it had been ten years since you had played together: successful headlining East and West Coast tours, Bonnaroo, and now Red Rocks this week! Any hardcore tour plans for the next record, or do you plan on doing short stints so as not to get in a burnout situation again?

JD: Well, 3 out of 4 of us have small children at home, so going out for 3 months or even 3 weeks at a time is just off the table, basically. I think the touring will be extremely limited.

NZ: How was Bonnaroo, by the way?

J: It was fantastic. Totally positive. Based on past experiences at festivals, personally, I was mentally prepared for the worst-case-scenario. In fact, it wound up being the best-case-scenario, essentially. The whole thing is very well-done. Depending on who you talked to afterwards, I’d guess we got to play to anywhere from 7,000 to 10,000 people down there. For us, that was huge. We just walked out there and had a great time playing the songs.

NZ: A lot of bands that we thought would never play together again, like Superdrag, have gotten back together in the past five years (Pixies, Dino Jr., and unfortunately, Poison). Who would you like to see get back together, and who would you hope would never, ever get back together again?

JD: Living: Husker Du. Deceased (except for McCoy Tyner):John Coltrane Quartet. I’ll leave it at that and keep it positive.

Superdrag performs at midnight on Friday, September 12th at the Cannery Ballroom as part of Next Big Nashville ‘08.